I set a personal goal for myself to write. Because for me writing is therapeutic. It is an escape. It’s difficult, though, at times, to find the time. I know it’s there but, sometimes I get overwhelmed by life and all its responsibilities that sometimes the responsibilities to myself get pushed aside. So, as I sit here in this bed, head a spinning thinking how in the hell did I forget today was the first day of school …I am forcing myself to write.
Forcing myself to take care of myself in ways that only I know how. Forcing myself to put my youngest child to sleep because he needs the rest and so do I. Forcing myself to take care of me. How crazy does that sound? But, its true. When I got married, I unfortunately got so consumed at being the perfect wife, I lost track of who the perfect me was. When I got post assignments at the mosque I did the same thing. I over did it. As a mom, I am mom on steroids and forget to take care of me. Then inevitably I have a nervous breakdown, start to get mentally drained and physically ill, until it dawns on me I need to slow down and re-prioritize. I think I’m at one of those stages now…where I need to slow down and reorganize…an indicator of the need is that I forgot it was the first day of class.
Yep, I said, I forgot that today was the first day of class. Not only did I forget it was the first day…I forgot it was the first week. I was thinking that classes didn’t start until after King’s birthday. I haven’t the slightest idea how a person as crazy as I am keeps things organized…but I do…well, at least the important stuff. Now normally, I would have had a complete fit and drove myself crazy trying to figure out how I was going to make it to class. But, instead, I called my child care provider and asked her if she could start tomorrow instead of the end of the month. She answered in the affirmative. May God bless her for many lifetimes! LOL All Praise is due to Allah… I am grateful. I am ready.
Instead of stressing the day away because my little made up vacation is ending two weeks earlier, I went grocery shopping, made dinner for the next three/four days, ironed everyones clothes and am ready to begin. Because I am on a mission. I have been in pursuit of the elusive Bachelors Degree since the early 1990’s. I stopped going to school back then because I started making really, really good money. (I was in law enforcement at the time) When I moved to Pittsburgh, I put off school because I got pregnant…finally when my oldest was about three I went back to school…had another baby and stopped going to school again. This would be the last time I would stop going to school because of a pregnancy.
When I was pregnant with my last son, I enrolled into community college and graduated with my Associates Degree in Liberal Arts. Five months after he was born, I enrolled in a four year University and am glad that I did. I take this lil’ dude erwhere with me with in reason. He is my buddy and I believe he will graduate around the same time as me…cuz he’s been to just that many classes with me. I made a promise to myself that I would never put off a goal I set for myself…within reason…so, yeah that means I won’t be seeing Frida’s closet next week…*sigh* Next year…well that’s another story…
Even though we share our lives with our spouses, our children, our extended families, the various communities that we are a part of…we still remain who we define ourselves to be. I think under all the titles that are worn (mom, sister, wife, student, etc.) we are still just us. We are stil in need of the things that make us smile and laugh from the bottom of our hearts… at things that we only think are funny. Sometimes we need to abandon all the self assigned constraints that are no longer applicable and just live.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that sometimes you have to just…accept your own and be yourself. Remember who you are and what makes you you…even though it might be inappropriate at times…I have matured tremendously, but the movie Clerks still cracks me up. My best friend and I have been cool for over thirty years and she still cracks me up….even though she sends inappropriate text messages that I have to get to before my children see them…LOL
I have absolutely no idea how that works in its entirety because as much as I want to, I won’t allow myself to post “try not to suck any dicks on the way to the parking lot” on my Facebook wall…but, as soon as I figure it out completely…I’ll write a blog on it (;