The March, Broken Nails, and Nostalgia

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acceptance, Farrakhan, God, happiness, haute muslim, health, life, marriage, millionmanmarch

Bismillah!

This week I have watched people from various communities post about the Million Man March. This week marks the eighteenth anniversary of the March and of course I am taken back to the day of the March in my own life.   I would love to post how I was this conscious chick with a thorough understanding of how profound the March was…that I stayed home and watched proudly as my then boyfriend left out the door on his way to Washington D.C.  Um, no…not even.

Now, I wasn’t quite ratchet, but I was kinda unconcerned.  I think apathetic is the word I’m looking for. I was in survival mode and that was it.  The connectedness of it all…the survival of my people…not even a blip on my personal radar…I was swimming in the Sea of Me, as Jill Blashack Strahan would say.  My life, my world, my friends, my man, my survival.  That is it and all.

I did stay home from work and school that day, per the Minister’s request.  But it wasn’t because I understood the Minister to be a man of God and of the people.  Nor was it because I was so vested in the need for our people to atone, be organized and take responsibility for our own. Nope…not even.  I stayed home because at that time all it took was a broken nail for me to call off of work. (I am proud to say I have matured since becoming self employed…a little bit…lol) Truth be told, at that time in my life, even though I grew up in Chicago and was “kicking it” (I understand the kids don’t use that terminology anymore…) on the East side of Chicago (where NOI HQ is) back then….I hadn’t the slightest idea of who Minister Farrakhan was. My interaction with the Minister consisted of a poster my boyfriend had of him on the wall in his bedroom. Plus, I had seen the Wrath of Farrakhan on In Living Color and I had seen Farrakhan on the Arsenio Hall show…but, I didn’t pay attention.  Still didn’t care.

So, as some celebrate the March and travel to Tuskegee, Alabama to hear the Minister speak, I think we should think about the reason the Minister called the March.  I think we should think about the steps of atonement.  I think we should think about our people and how we so desperately need to collectively awaken, take responsibility for our own lives and actively get together to “do some shit“!

Sometimes as folks in a religion we think that people actually give a damn about our religion. Um, not so much.  I think what makes people care enough to even investigate what we say we believe is the example we personally put forth.  So, if we are all about pontificating from a soap box while our communities fall all around us, we do more damage than good (IMO).  Talking about how to make marriages work when you’re on your 5th divorce don’t move me…0_o  How ’bout you actually make your marriage work and then come see me…mmmk?! The only reason I ever even agreed to visit the mosque in the first place is because I saw a first hand example of someone striving to live the life he said he believed…again, not so much what he said, but what he did. (Plus, he wasn’t so hard on the eyes…but that’s another story for another blog regarding using your power for good!) What was I saying…had little flashback moment to his fine-ness then and now….Ok, ok…I was saying that he was an example of what he said…it didn’t and still doesn’t stop with just his words.

Love or hate the Minister he has been grinding on the front line for almost 60 years! Yep! Not that he grind-ed… (past tense attempt…not sure that’s even a word…lol) I’m talking about still grinding. Out there with the people, even to this day…doing more than just talking, tweeting, and posting. Don’t believe me? Listen to the Minister speak today , October 20, 2013 at 3:30 pm EST, and you will see a 80 year old man doing more in a day than most of us will ever do in a life time and looking hella healthy while doing it!  Again, healthier than some half his age!

Just for the record, I don’t consider myself an individual that is doing the damn thing. As I type this blog, I am keenly aware that I should be doing more to assist in improving the lives of the disenfranchised of our society.  On days like this when we talk about the March and celebrate Atonement, I think about how to parlay what I believe into a change in my life and those who come into contact with me. Not big into trying to convert people, I’m more about challenging people to accept who they are and embracing their own gifts and talents!  I think about how when I interact with people (inside and outside of the mosque) people need to see the love that anyone who has experienced the Minister has seen and felt…so, not the soundbites people hear! But, ultimately I think about whether or not am I doing what God put me here to do, cuz at the end of the day, it’s about the work, not nostalgia!

Hottie Muslim

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acceptance, clothes, daria, God, haute muslim, marriage, modest, muslim, Muslimah, relationships, responsiblity, sad, sick, spiritual, world

Bismillah!

So the other day I was picking up my husband from the airport.  He had gone somewhere that was very difficult for me to deal with  and stayed for a number of days…so you can imagine that I was super happy that he made it back home.

On this particular day,  I decided to pick him up more as “Hottie” Muslim than “Haute” Muslim. Side note: Don’t judge me! Allah saw me way before your judgmental eyes read this post…

Anyway, as I rode to the airport on this beautiful summer day dressed other than myself, I began to think about how absolutely fine I felt and looked.  I noticed the stares from the men and women…and shamed to admit I liked the attention!  I had the window down, the sun was shining and I was singing my favorite songs!  As my eyes looked up to the rear view mirror and I caught a glance at myself, I thought…MILF!

Please make no mistake,  do not misunderstand this post! It is not a celebration of my Islamically inappropriate behavior.  Nor is it some “Hey, look at me” self esteem post…that’s for tomorrow (;  The entire point to this post is what my next thoughts were.  My very next thought as my eyes left the rear view mirror still celebrating my ample glittery cleavage was that Allah is not pleased.

My second thought was how easy it was for me to do it.  Yeah, I felt mad uncomfortable and even thought about putting on a jacket.  But, it was like that cartoon angel and devil on your shoulder.  That day the devil won…This is the thought I want to talk about, because I really don’t need to expound of God’s thoughts regarding immodesty.  Striving… Anyway, I thought about how I could just as easily dress this way if  I wanted to…everyday.  I thought about how we all know what we are supposed to do and in different matters choose to do the exact opposite.  Whether it’s an agreement between two people, whether you feel it’s what God wants you to do, or whether it’s something you promised yourself…It could be something small to something big…but, the point is, we make these kind of decisions every single day.  It lead me to the thought that we should applaud folks for the small things.  Applaud folks that do what they say they are supposed to do.  I’m not saying that we should have some sort of parade or whatever, but damn this is a sick sad world…(Daria Flashbacks abound…) So, someone striving deserves some applause! Even if that someone is you!

Cuz I gotta tell you don’t nobody gotta do nothing, so when they do, when we do… make our word bond, support them/yourself.  I went out of the house with dressed as the Anti-Hijab, no lie, and it was easy, by comparison. I don’t have a problem dressing Islamically…not really my uphill road, got other issues…( Now I know, there’s some deep rooted spiritual illness that I need to deal with and trust, Allah is not done with me….He got it… Normally, though, I don’t go out the house dressed immodestly.) The point is we live in a world that is built on selling that we should be the exact opposite of the spiritual guidelines provided for us. Spouses aren’t supposed to cheat  and we know it…but, at the end of the day…we could do it if that’s what we wanted to.  So, even though someone isn’t supposed to…look at the world we live in.  Some people do not care…so when you have someone trying…If you are someone striving…focus on that and applaud the struggle.  Cuz, it is ordained and there isn’t one single reason why we can’t applaud when someone makes the right decision.

And it Don’t Stop…

Tags

acceptance, Banner, black, David, Jasiri, media, wandering, worx, X

Bismillah!

So, first Junior Haute got sick, then the baby got sick, then the husband got sick, then of course, I got sick…we’re all better now, thank you (; In the midst of all this sickness, the show did not stop and the opening ceremony of One Hood New Media Academy went really, really well!  Much gratitude to everyone who came out,  helped and want to collaborate.  It snowed and snowed that day, but the event was still well attended by the grace of God. We received well over the amount of applications for the slots we wanted to fill and things are looking really good. David Banner is really a genuine soul.  He was so down to earth and friendly, it was refreshing.  He was so humble and understated and spoke with and gave love to anyone who approached him.

 

Most importantly and with great pride I announce to you that my husband is coming out with his debut album with Wandering Worx, Ascension, on March 26, 2013.  I’m so proud of him and all he does.  But, I’m really proud of this album…if you listen closely you will be exposed to a part of him not generally shared with the public.

 

 

 

Grateful!

Tags

acceptance, God, happiness, health, mother, Muslimah, relationships, responsiblity, self, spiritual, student

Bismillah!

Yesterday, I had 3 classes, two of which were 3 hours each, the other was only 1 hour. This is the only day of school that I spend an entire day on campus.  I was exhausted…still am, truth be told.  I literally feel like I’m working non-stop.  I was beginning to lament about how I didn’t think I could do it…’til I remembered that not to long ago, I had to get up 5+ days a week and worked 8+ hours a day and rode transportation to and fro for 2+ hours a day.  Sometimes adding to that schedule by working overtime. This semesters schedule does have me going to the school daily, but I am taking classes that I enjoy and I do not have to commit 10+ hours a day building something for someone else (well, except by way of tuition and I look at that as a trade off/investment).  The classes that I am taking are for a specific goal and reason.  I am helping to establish something long term for our family, because my spouse has identified what his gifts and talents are and mine, by Allah’s determination, just happen to enhance his. I am so grateful that I am able to work from home.  I know sometimes we don’t think we can do it, but be inspired, you can!  All it takes is sacrifice, humility and faith.

I was about to talk about how I much I missed my youngest son, until I thought about the fact that some single mothers work full time and go to school full time.  I venture to bet they don’t spend time with there children half as much as I do.  It is in these moments that I am grateful that I work from home and that I have a spouse that helps to facilitate my working from home.  Allah has blessed us to compliment each other and by His grace we work well together.  He stays in his lane (most times) and I stay in mine (most times) and Allah has blessed us to work solely for ourselves for over 3+ years (working from home or abroad). It didn’t come easy, we have had many trials and sometimes did not appreciate each other in the process.  But, understanding in hindsight that those trials purified our marriage and helped align us to work together even more set us on a more determined path for success.

It is often said, what you enjoy doing so much so that you can spend hours at it and not feel like you’ve been working is what you’re supposed to do in life.  I can honestly say this is the truth.  I can also bear witness to HMLF’s statement that a man who doesn’t know where he’s going doesn’t need a woman to help him get no where (paraphrase).  I have experience with both.  We have made so much progress, by Allah’s permission, together.  I am hoping that we can inspire others to take a chance on faith working together to steal away.

Pluses, Deltas, and Life

Tags

acceptance, agnes, death, delta, family, goals, life, pinion, plus

Bismillah!

My grandma passed away in 1999, right before I got married.  I loved her sooooooooo very much. She was my confidante, mentor, and guide.  I had never lost anyone that close to me before she passed away and the pain of losing her walks with me daily…though the wound is not as fresh.

I miss her.  I miss her words.  I miss her wit.  I miss her cooking. I miss sitting on the bed in her room with my aunts, uncles, and cousins talking.  It’s funny how things change.  Nothing ever turns out as you expect it.  No one lives forever.

When my grandmother passed away she took a portion of our family connection with her.  We used to have the best holiday celebrations, but I rarely make it to Chicago to even participate during the season.  Some of my cousins live out of state and don’t make it home either.  We have all started our own traditions.  Its sad, but it is also reality.  There are aunts, uncles, and cousins that I haven’t spoken to in years…and its ok.  The love is present, even if we aren’t.

The thing about life is, as the Qur’an states, we plan, but Allah plans, and Allah is the Best Knower.  Being accepting of things that come into our lives by our direct intent along with Allah’s permissive will is a key element in having peace of mind.  There is absolutely no point in stressing or worrying…per the Qur’an.  Every single thing we encounter has a positive or negative side to it…all depends on how we want to look at it.  I am working on meditating on the positive.

A friend of mine asked me what I was doing for my 40th birthday.  I’m very excited about turning 40 and want to visit Puerto Rico.  However, there is so much, by Allah’s Grace, on the horizon for 2013, that I just can’t commit to much outside of a couple weeks into the future.  I wanted to lock it in.  But, that’s not where I am right now and that’s fine because it doesn’t mean I won’t be there in March.  I have always loved to travel and don’t intend on letting the trips I have planned pass me by in my life time.  I just have to accept where I am and make plans to get where I want to be and hopefully Allah has the same plans in mind.

Busy Good

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2013, acceptance, baking, belief, cooking, Day, hair, happiness, mother, natural, painting, Saviours', school, self, sewing, student

Bismillah!

I’m so excited and inspired today!  I’m looking forward to school, Saviours’ Day, and life in general! I feel so blessed right now and have made a mental note to pray more often now that I’m in ease mode…cuz last year had plenty o’ difficulty…(:

I choose the classes that I did this semester to fulfill the requirements of my major, but it turns out Allah had a completely different plan. I NEED the knowledge the classes provide for the plans that we have made for our family…which in my opinion trumps for my major.  Not only is the knowledge needed, but they are fun and are fulfilling a artistic urge. I’ll be doing some film and production work, as well as some photoshop stuff…I also took a business management course and I’m acting CEO of The Metropolitan Museum of Modern Art!  I’m kinda excited!

What with not knowing school started and all, I’ve been a little behind and I haven’t had time to do much painting. Mostly, because I’m working on sewing and blogging. Though I do have some new (painting) pieces in mind to add to my fishnet collection…My fishnet collection is me exploring the feelings I have and what I do when my husband is out of town. The simplest way to explain it is I am extremely lonely and I buy lingerie. So, in efforts to avoid the impropriety of stretching thongs across a canvas, I created something with fishnets, stocking, and spray paint (one of which you see in picture 1). This process opened up a part of me that I didn’t even know was there and helped me to cope.  Art is truly healing.

I find that doing things you love is healing.  It’s how I feel about school, cooking, baking, studying…I love learning…especially about myself.  So, I plan to celebrate me and learn about myself as much as I can…FOREVER.  I’m learning to love myself, my life, my mind, my personality, my sense of humor, my body and my hair more and more each day.  It’s funny I’ve spent so much money on hair…to finally become content with my little Afro….I made it a point to not ask anyone, including my spouse, if they like my hair.  It’s not that I’m not concerned with his preference, because I am…truth be told he would never tell me anyway…but the reason I didn’t ask is  because what is important is that I LOVE IT! End of conversation.   Accepting yourself is the key to happiness…I gave you that one for free (: