My grandma passed away in 1999, right before I got married. I loved her sooooooooo very much. She was my confidante, mentor, and guide. I had never lost anyone that close to me before she passed away and the pain of losing her walks with me daily…though the wound is not as fresh.
I miss her. I miss her words. I miss her wit. I miss her cooking. I miss sitting on the bed in her room with my aunts, uncles, and cousins talking. It’s funny how things change. Nothing ever turns out as you expect it. No one lives forever.
When my grandmother passed away she took a portion of our family connection with her. We used to have the best holiday celebrations, but I rarely make it to Chicago to even participate during the season. Some of my cousins live out of state and don’t make it home either. We have all started our own traditions. Its sad, but it is also reality. There are aunts, uncles, and cousins that I haven’t spoken to in years…and its ok. The love is present, even if we aren’t.
The thing about life is, as the Qur’an states, we plan, but Allah plans, and Allah is the Best Knower. Being accepting of things that come into our lives by our direct intent along with Allah’s permissive will is a key element in having peace of mind. There is absolutely no point in stressing or worrying…per the Qur’an. Every single thing we encounter has a positive or negative side to it…all depends on how we want to look at it. I am working on meditating on the positive.
A friend of mine asked me what I was doing for my 40th birthday. I’m very excited about turning 40 and want to visit Puerto Rico. However, there is so much, by Allah’s Grace, on the horizon for 2013, that I just can’t commit to much outside of a couple weeks into the future. I wanted to lock it in. But, that’s not where I am right now and that’s fine because it doesn’t mean I won’t be there in March. I have always loved to travel and don’t intend on letting the trips I have planned pass me by in my life time. I just have to accept where I am and make plans to get where I want to be and hopefully Allah has the same plans in mind.