The March, Broken Nails, and Nostalgia

Tags

acceptance, Farrakhan, God, happiness, haute muslim, health, life, marriage, millionmanmarch

Bismillah!

This week I have watched people from various communities post about the Million Man March. This week marks the eighteenth anniversary of the March and of course I am taken back to the day of the March in my own life.   I would love to post how I was this conscious chick with a thorough understanding of how profound the March was…that I stayed home and watched proudly as my then boyfriend left out the door on his way to Washington D.C.  Um, no…not even.

Now, I wasn’t quite ratchet, but I was kinda unconcerned.  I think apathetic is the word I’m looking for. I was in survival mode and that was it.  The connectedness of it all…the survival of my people…not even a blip on my personal radar…I was swimming in the Sea of Me, as Jill Blashack Strahan would say.  My life, my world, my friends, my man, my survival.  That is it and all.

I did stay home from work and school that day, per the Minister’s request.  But it wasn’t because I understood the Minister to be a man of God and of the people.  Nor was it because I was so vested in the need for our people to atone, be organized and take responsibility for our own. Nope…not even.  I stayed home because at that time all it took was a broken nail for me to call off of work. (I am proud to say I have matured since becoming self employed…a little bit…lol) Truth be told, at that time in my life, even though I grew up in Chicago and was “kicking it” (I understand the kids don’t use that terminology anymore…) on the East side of Chicago (where NOI HQ is) back then….I hadn’t the slightest idea of who Minister Farrakhan was. My interaction with the Minister consisted of a poster my boyfriend had of him on the wall in his bedroom. Plus, I had seen the Wrath of Farrakhan on In Living Color and I had seen Farrakhan on the Arsenio Hall show…but, I didn’t pay attention.  Still didn’t care.

So, as some celebrate the March and travel to Tuskegee, Alabama to hear the Minister speak, I think we should think about the reason the Minister called the March.  I think we should think about the steps of atonement.  I think we should think about our people and how we so desperately need to collectively awaken, take responsibility for our own lives and actively get together to “do some shit“!

Sometimes as folks in a religion we think that people actually give a damn about our religion. Um, not so much.  I think what makes people care enough to even investigate what we say we believe is the example we personally put forth.  So, if we are all about pontificating from a soap box while our communities fall all around us, we do more damage than good (IMO).  Talking about how to make marriages work when you’re on your 5th divorce don’t move me…0_o  How ’bout you actually make your marriage work and then come see me…mmmk?! The only reason I ever even agreed to visit the mosque in the first place is because I saw a first hand example of someone striving to live the life he said he believed…again, not so much what he said, but what he did. (Plus, he wasn’t so hard on the eyes…but that’s another story for another blog regarding using your power for good!) What was I saying…had little flashback moment to his fine-ness then and now….Ok, ok…I was saying that he was an example of what he said…it didn’t and still doesn’t stop with just his words.

Love or hate the Minister he has been grinding on the front line for almost 60 years! Yep! Not that he grind-ed… (past tense attempt…not sure that’s even a word…lol) I’m talking about still grinding. Out there with the people, even to this day…doing more than just talking, tweeting, and posting. Don’t believe me? Listen to the Minister speak today , October 20, 2013 at 3:30 pm EST, and you will see a 80 year old man doing more in a day than most of us will ever do in a life time and looking hella healthy while doing it!  Again, healthier than some half his age!

Just for the record, I don’t consider myself an individual that is doing the damn thing. As I type this blog, I am keenly aware that I should be doing more to assist in improving the lives of the disenfranchised of our society.  On days like this when we talk about the March and celebrate Atonement, I think about how to parlay what I believe into a change in my life and those who come into contact with me. Not big into trying to convert people, I’m more about challenging people to accept who they are and embracing their own gifts and talents!  I think about how when I interact with people (inside and outside of the mosque) people need to see the love that anyone who has experienced the Minister has seen and felt…so, not the soundbites people hear! But, ultimately I think about whether or not am I doing what God put me here to do, cuz at the end of the day, it’s about the work, not nostalgia!

The Time, Sewing and Me

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and, be, children, clothes, daughter, done, Farrakhan, God, haute muslim, life, marriage, modest, Muslimah, must, relationships, sewing, spiritual, student, the, time, what

Bismillah!

My husband is doing a performance in New York in support of our freedom fighters locked down.  Sometimes I am concerned for him.  Sometimes I miss him.  Sometimes I am selfish and do not wish to share my husband with the world.  Other times, I am understanding. I am thankful. I am proud. While other times, I am fearful.  Sometimes, I want to sing all his hooks.  Record all his videos. Go to every performance…  But I can’t.

I am most often prayerful, cognizant that when God has given you a mission.  You must submit.  When God has revealed to you how you are to use your gifts and talents.  You must submit.   I used to think that my mission was to help my husband.  That was it.  That was all.  I no longer feel that way. Don’t misunderstand me, part of my mission is to help my husband.  I am his help meet.  Don’t get it twisted, I AM THAT PROVERBS 31 CHICK! (I intend to put that on a t-shirt…copyright 2013) But, I am me.  I too have a mission.  But, everything in its own time.

THMLF has got me thinking about the time.  How am I supposed to utilize my time here on Earth…specifically.  He tweeted earlier today, “We have to accept responsibility to rectify the condition that prevails in our communities because no one else can do it for us. Rise up and accept your responsibility!” We all have a different role to play and different responsibilities.  At different times in our lives we may have to fall back and figure out just what that role is. The thing is we have to keep moving while trying to figure out where we fit in.

What I am learning  is that everything must be in its own time.  When you try to rush things, they are compromised.  You can’t take the cake out before its done. I am learning to trust that Allah is Sufficient and the Best Knower.  I am learning that this world and the mission is so much bigger than just me, but that I still play a part in it.

My part today was not as grand as what some might think their mission would be. It did not involve speaking before congress.  Nor did it envolve removing a brain tumor.  To me, it was just as important.  I helped my sister begin to learn how to sew.  It’s funny how the God can teach you lessons, if you just shut up and listen for Him.

I’m really busy.  My husband is frequently out of town. We have three small children (the youngest is one) who all have extra curricular activities and I am in school full time. But, I agreed to help my sister start her sewing journey.  I am grateful that she came by.  She too is busy.  She is newly married.  She is pregnant and has a daughter who has extra curricular activities.  But, it was important to her to learn how to sew, for herself and for her daughter. Nation building starts with individuals and families first.

We met for about 4 hours and by the end we were both exhausted.  Her spirit of tenacity is always inspiring.  I love how you can look at her face and see her mind working. She was in the orientation class when I was the instructress and she was always the most studious and the most quiet.  You had to be prepared, because she was there to find  truth. She takes her spirituality seriously. She is the epitome of humility.  Her grace is admirable.  I love and admire this sister.

I have to tell you.  I only intended on spending 2 hours max….ok one hour… on the class.  But, she was so determined to get her head around a certain concept that we had to keep going.  She taught me that I do have more time to dedicate to helping others.  She taught me that I do have the patience and knowledge to teach people how to sew.  I am not the best seamstress, no not by a long shot, but I know how to sew.  Just teaching the basics of pattern reading, measuring, and fabric selection will give someone the basics of sewing.  She can take these principles and teach herself how to make anything she wants to make …and she will.  I am inspired.

Learning

Tags

Badu, berries, biodiversity, birds, black squirrels, city, ecology, Erykah, leaves, life, nature, neighborhood, photography, pictures, pittsburgh, ponds, shadyside, winter

Bismillah!

I have a ENV course this semester….this course is three hours long…and the fact that this course is in a lab with stools SUCKS! That being said….I can not really complain.  My first day of class, half of the class was in the field.  We were instructed to take pictures of biodiversity.  My partner and I took the furthest away location and walked down the schools steep 50 miles hill…ok, maybe it’s not 50 miles, but yeah, couldn’t breath….

Anyway, we ended up walking to the park to photograph biodiversity. Now, it was a beautiful day!  But, it’s still December and there weren’t very many animals out there to be seen.  But, to be heard was another story.  You could hear life everywhere…you just couldn’t see it.  It reminds me that even on our communities, we sometimes think that the people are dead, the neighborhoods are dead…but, they aren’t they are teaming with life…we just have to search it out.

This field work was part cardio, part yoga for me, in that I worked out and had a chance to meditate.  God is so wonderful!  He puts so much into His creation that often times we take it for granted.  It was so wonderful to be able to take it all in and document it.  I think I may start going behind our house to document nature a bit more.  We have a big ole forest behind the house teaming with all sorts of vermin I pray will never attempt to enter our home.  Big fields await…

I don’t know if it was the ability to take my mind off of everything that was going on around me…or sheer gratitude at not having to sit on that damn stool…whatever it was it was worth it!

Plus, I got to use my new camera!  YAY me!  (Thanks spouse!)  Anyway, I wanted to show you a couple of my novice pics….“Now remember, I’m an artist and I’m sensitive about my ish” Erykah Badu

Ignore the fact that there are smudges on some of them…its not your computer…LOL…I didn’t realize the lens was smudged…I whole heartedly admit I am a novice!

Enjoy!

Pluses, Deltas, and Life

Tags

acceptance, agnes, death, delta, family, goals, life, pinion, plus

Bismillah!

My grandma passed away in 1999, right before I got married.  I loved her sooooooooo very much. She was my confidante, mentor, and guide.  I had never lost anyone that close to me before she passed away and the pain of losing her walks with me daily…though the wound is not as fresh.

I miss her.  I miss her words.  I miss her wit.  I miss her cooking. I miss sitting on the bed in her room with my aunts, uncles, and cousins talking.  It’s funny how things change.  Nothing ever turns out as you expect it.  No one lives forever.

When my grandmother passed away she took a portion of our family connection with her.  We used to have the best holiday celebrations, but I rarely make it to Chicago to even participate during the season.  Some of my cousins live out of state and don’t make it home either.  We have all started our own traditions.  Its sad, but it is also reality.  There are aunts, uncles, and cousins that I haven’t spoken to in years…and its ok.  The love is present, even if we aren’t.

The thing about life is, as the Qur’an states, we plan, but Allah plans, and Allah is the Best Knower.  Being accepting of things that come into our lives by our direct intent along with Allah’s permissive will is a key element in having peace of mind.  There is absolutely no point in stressing or worrying…per the Qur’an.  Every single thing we encounter has a positive or negative side to it…all depends on how we want to look at it.  I am working on meditating on the positive.

A friend of mine asked me what I was doing for my 40th birthday.  I’m very excited about turning 40 and want to visit Puerto Rico.  However, there is so much, by Allah’s Grace, on the horizon for 2013, that I just can’t commit to much outside of a couple weeks into the future.  I wanted to lock it in.  But, that’s not where I am right now and that’s fine because it doesn’t mean I won’t be there in March.  I have always loved to travel and don’t intend on letting the trips I have planned pass me by in my life time.  I just have to accept where I am and make plans to get where I want to be and hopefully Allah has the same plans in mind.

Life, Today and How I Forgot It Was the First Day of School…

Tags

adult, children, clerks, community, dante, for, happiness, health, life, mental-health, mother, relationships, self, student, time

Bismillah!

I set a personal goal for myself to write. Because for me writing is therapeutic. It is an escape. It’s difficult, though, at times, to find the time.  I know it’s there but, sometimes I get overwhelmed by life and all its responsibilities that sometimes the responsibilities to myself get pushed aside.  So, as I sit here in this bed, head a spinning thinking how in the hell did I forget today was the first day of school …I am forcing myself to write.

Forcing myself to take care of myself in ways that only I know how.  Forcing myself to put my youngest child to sleep because he needs the rest and so do I.  Forcing myself to take care of me.  How crazy does that sound?  But, its true.  When I got married, I unfortunately got so consumed at being the perfect wife, I lost track of who the perfect me was.  When I got post assignments at the mosque I did the same thing.  I over did it.  As a mom, I am mom on steroids and forget to take care of me.  Then inevitably I have a nervous breakdown, start to get mentally drained and physically ill, until it dawns on me I need to slow down and re-prioritize.  I think I’m at one of those stages now…where I need to slow down and reorganize…an indicator of the need is that I forgot it was the first day of class.

Yep, I said, I forgot that today was the first day of class. Not only did I forget it was the first day…I forgot it was the first week.  I was thinking that classes didn’t start until after King’s birthday.  I haven’t the slightest idea how a person as crazy as I am keeps things organized…but I do…well, at least the important stuff. Now normally, I would have had a complete fit and drove myself crazy trying to figure out how I was going to make it to class.  But, instead, I called my child care provider and asked her if she could start tomorrow instead of the end of the month.  She answered in the affirmative.  May God bless her for many lifetimes!  LOL All Praise is due to Allah… I am grateful.  I am ready.

Instead of stressing the day away because my little made up vacation is ending two weeks earlier, I went grocery shopping, made dinner for the next three/four days, ironed everyones clothes and am ready to begin.  Because I am on a mission.  I have been in pursuit of the elusive Bachelors Degree since the early 1990’s.  I stopped going to school back then because I started making really, really good money.  (I was in law enforcement at the time) When I moved to Pittsburgh, I put off school because I got pregnant…finally when my oldest was about three I went back to school…had another baby and stopped going to school again.  This would be the last time I would stop going to school because of a pregnancy.

When I was pregnant with my last son, I enrolled into community college and graduated with my Associates Degree in Liberal Arts.   Five  months after he was born, I enrolled in a four year University and am glad that I did.  I take this lil’ dude erwhere with me with in reason.  He is my buddy and I believe he will graduate around the same time as me…cuz he’s been to just that many classes with me.  I made a promise to myself that I would never put off a goal I set for myself…within reason…so, yeah that means I won’t be seeing Frida’s closet next week…*sigh* Next year…well that’s another story…

Even though we share our lives with our spouses, our children, our extended families, the various communities that we are a part of…we still remain who we define ourselves to be.  I think under all the titles that are worn (mom, sister, wife, student, etc.)  we are still just us.  We are stil in need of the things that make us smile and laugh from the bottom of our hearts… at things that we only think are funny.  Sometimes we need to abandon all the self assigned constraints that are no longer applicable and just live.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that sometimes you have to just…accept your own and be yourself.  Remember who you are and what makes you you…even though it might be inappropriate at times…I have matured tremendously, but the movie Clerks still cracks me up. My best friend and I have been cool for over thirty years and she still cracks me up….even though she sends inappropriate text messages that I have to get to before my children see them…LOL

I have absolutely no idea how that works in its entirety because as much as I want to, I won’t allow myself to post “try not to suck any dicks on the way to the parking lot” on my Facebook wall…but, as soon as I figure it out completely…I’ll write a blog on it (;