Hottie Muslim

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acceptance, clothes, daria, God, haute muslim, marriage, modest, muslim, Muslimah, relationships, responsiblity, sad, sick, spiritual, world

Bismillah!

So the other day I was picking up my husband from the airport.  He had gone somewhere that was very difficult for me to deal with  and stayed for a number of days…so you can imagine that I was super happy that he made it back home.

On this particular day,  I decided to pick him up more as “Hottie” Muslim than “Haute” Muslim. Side note: Don’t judge me! Allah saw me way before your judgmental eyes read this post…

Anyway, as I rode to the airport on this beautiful summer day dressed other than myself, I began to think about how absolutely fine I felt and looked.  I noticed the stares from the men and women…and shamed to admit I liked the attention!  I had the window down, the sun was shining and I was singing my favorite songs!  As my eyes looked up to the rear view mirror and I caught a glance at myself, I thought…MILF!

Please make no mistake,  do not misunderstand this post! It is not a celebration of my Islamically inappropriate behavior.  Nor is it some “Hey, look at me” self esteem post…that’s for tomorrow (;  The entire point to this post is what my next thoughts were.  My very next thought as my eyes left the rear view mirror still celebrating my ample glittery cleavage was that Allah is not pleased.

My second thought was how easy it was for me to do it.  Yeah, I felt mad uncomfortable and even thought about putting on a jacket.  But, it was like that cartoon angel and devil on your shoulder.  That day the devil won…This is the thought I want to talk about, because I really don’t need to expound of God’s thoughts regarding immodesty.  Striving… Anyway, I thought about how I could just as easily dress this way if  I wanted to…everyday.  I thought about how we all know what we are supposed to do and in different matters choose to do the exact opposite.  Whether it’s an agreement between two people, whether you feel it’s what God wants you to do, or whether it’s something you promised yourself…It could be something small to something big…but, the point is, we make these kind of decisions every single day.  It lead me to the thought that we should applaud folks for the small things.  Applaud folks that do what they say they are supposed to do.  I’m not saying that we should have some sort of parade or whatever, but damn this is a sick sad world…(Daria Flashbacks abound…) So, someone striving deserves some applause! Even if that someone is you!

Cuz I gotta tell you don’t nobody gotta do nothing, so when they do, when we do… make our word bond, support them/yourself.  I went out of the house with dressed as the Anti-Hijab, no lie, and it was easy, by comparison. I don’t have a problem dressing Islamically…not really my uphill road, got other issues…( Now I know, there’s some deep rooted spiritual illness that I need to deal with and trust, Allah is not done with me….He got it… Normally, though, I don’t go out the house dressed immodestly.) The point is we live in a world that is built on selling that we should be the exact opposite of the spiritual guidelines provided for us. Spouses aren’t supposed to cheat  and we know it…but, at the end of the day…we could do it if that’s what we wanted to.  So, even though someone isn’t supposed to…look at the world we live in.  Some people do not care…so when you have someone trying…If you are someone striving…focus on that and applaud the struggle.  Cuz, it is ordained and there isn’t one single reason why we can’t applaud when someone makes the right decision.

The Time, Sewing and Me

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and, be, children, clothes, daughter, done, Farrakhan, God, haute muslim, life, marriage, modest, Muslimah, must, relationships, sewing, spiritual, student, the, time, what

Bismillah!

My husband is doing a performance in New York in support of our freedom fighters locked down.  Sometimes I am concerned for him.  Sometimes I miss him.  Sometimes I am selfish and do not wish to share my husband with the world.  Other times, I am understanding. I am thankful. I am proud. While other times, I am fearful.  Sometimes, I want to sing all his hooks.  Record all his videos. Go to every performance…  But I can’t.

I am most often prayerful, cognizant that when God has given you a mission.  You must submit.  When God has revealed to you how you are to use your gifts and talents.  You must submit.   I used to think that my mission was to help my husband.  That was it.  That was all.  I no longer feel that way. Don’t misunderstand me, part of my mission is to help my husband.  I am his help meet.  Don’t get it twisted, I AM THAT PROVERBS 31 CHICK! (I intend to put that on a t-shirt…copyright 2013) But, I am me.  I too have a mission.  But, everything in its own time.

THMLF has got me thinking about the time.  How am I supposed to utilize my time here on Earth…specifically.  He tweeted earlier today, “We have to accept responsibility to rectify the condition that prevails in our communities because no one else can do it for us. Rise up and accept your responsibility!” We all have a different role to play and different responsibilities.  At different times in our lives we may have to fall back and figure out just what that role is. The thing is we have to keep moving while trying to figure out where we fit in.

What I am learning  is that everything must be in its own time.  When you try to rush things, they are compromised.  You can’t take the cake out before its done. I am learning to trust that Allah is Sufficient and the Best Knower.  I am learning that this world and the mission is so much bigger than just me, but that I still play a part in it.

My part today was not as grand as what some might think their mission would be. It did not involve speaking before congress.  Nor did it envolve removing a brain tumor.  To me, it was just as important.  I helped my sister begin to learn how to sew.  It’s funny how the God can teach you lessons, if you just shut up and listen for Him.

I’m really busy.  My husband is frequently out of town. We have three small children (the youngest is one) who all have extra curricular activities and I am in school full time. But, I agreed to help my sister start her sewing journey.  I am grateful that she came by.  She too is busy.  She is newly married.  She is pregnant and has a daughter who has extra curricular activities.  But, it was important to her to learn how to sew, for herself and for her daughter. Nation building starts with individuals and families first.

We met for about 4 hours and by the end we were both exhausted.  Her spirit of tenacity is always inspiring.  I love how you can look at her face and see her mind working. She was in the orientation class when I was the instructress and she was always the most studious and the most quiet.  You had to be prepared, because she was there to find  truth. She takes her spirituality seriously. She is the epitome of humility.  Her grace is admirable.  I love and admire this sister.

I have to tell you.  I only intended on spending 2 hours max….ok one hour… on the class.  But, she was so determined to get her head around a certain concept that we had to keep going.  She taught me that I do have more time to dedicate to helping others.  She taught me that I do have the patience and knowledge to teach people how to sew.  I am not the best seamstress, no not by a long shot, but I know how to sew.  Just teaching the basics of pattern reading, measuring, and fabric selection will give someone the basics of sewing.  She can take these principles and teach herself how to make anything she wants to make …and she will.  I am inspired.

Grateful!

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acceptance, God, happiness, health, mother, Muslimah, relationships, responsiblity, self, spiritual, student

Bismillah!

Yesterday, I had 3 classes, two of which were 3 hours each, the other was only 1 hour. This is the only day of school that I spend an entire day on campus.  I was exhausted…still am, truth be told.  I literally feel like I’m working non-stop.  I was beginning to lament about how I didn’t think I could do it…’til I remembered that not to long ago, I had to get up 5+ days a week and worked 8+ hours a day and rode transportation to and fro for 2+ hours a day.  Sometimes adding to that schedule by working overtime. This semesters schedule does have me going to the school daily, but I am taking classes that I enjoy and I do not have to commit 10+ hours a day building something for someone else (well, except by way of tuition and I look at that as a trade off/investment).  The classes that I am taking are for a specific goal and reason.  I am helping to establish something long term for our family, because my spouse has identified what his gifts and talents are and mine, by Allah’s determination, just happen to enhance his. I am so grateful that I am able to work from home.  I know sometimes we don’t think we can do it, but be inspired, you can!  All it takes is sacrifice, humility and faith.

I was about to talk about how I much I missed my youngest son, until I thought about the fact that some single mothers work full time and go to school full time.  I venture to bet they don’t spend time with there children half as much as I do.  It is in these moments that I am grateful that I work from home and that I have a spouse that helps to facilitate my working from home.  Allah has blessed us to compliment each other and by His grace we work well together.  He stays in his lane (most times) and I stay in mine (most times) and Allah has blessed us to work solely for ourselves for over 3+ years (working from home or abroad). It didn’t come easy, we have had many trials and sometimes did not appreciate each other in the process.  But, understanding in hindsight that those trials purified our marriage and helped align us to work together even more set us on a more determined path for success.

It is often said, what you enjoy doing so much so that you can spend hours at it and not feel like you’ve been working is what you’re supposed to do in life.  I can honestly say this is the truth.  I can also bear witness to HMLF’s statement that a man who doesn’t know where he’s going doesn’t need a woman to help him get no where (paraphrase).  I have experience with both.  We have made so much progress, by Allah’s permission, together.  I am hoping that we can inspire others to take a chance on faith working together to steal away.

Life, Today and How I Forgot It Was the First Day of School…

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adult, children, clerks, community, dante, for, happiness, health, life, mental-health, mother, relationships, self, student, time

Bismillah!

I set a personal goal for myself to write. Because for me writing is therapeutic. It is an escape. It’s difficult, though, at times, to find the time.  I know it’s there but, sometimes I get overwhelmed by life and all its responsibilities that sometimes the responsibilities to myself get pushed aside.  So, as I sit here in this bed, head a spinning thinking how in the hell did I forget today was the first day of school …I am forcing myself to write.

Forcing myself to take care of myself in ways that only I know how.  Forcing myself to put my youngest child to sleep because he needs the rest and so do I.  Forcing myself to take care of me.  How crazy does that sound?  But, its true.  When I got married, I unfortunately got so consumed at being the perfect wife, I lost track of who the perfect me was.  When I got post assignments at the mosque I did the same thing.  I over did it.  As a mom, I am mom on steroids and forget to take care of me.  Then inevitably I have a nervous breakdown, start to get mentally drained and physically ill, until it dawns on me I need to slow down and re-prioritize.  I think I’m at one of those stages now…where I need to slow down and reorganize…an indicator of the need is that I forgot it was the first day of class.

Yep, I said, I forgot that today was the first day of class. Not only did I forget it was the first day…I forgot it was the first week.  I was thinking that classes didn’t start until after King’s birthday.  I haven’t the slightest idea how a person as crazy as I am keeps things organized…but I do…well, at least the important stuff. Now normally, I would have had a complete fit and drove myself crazy trying to figure out how I was going to make it to class.  But, instead, I called my child care provider and asked her if she could start tomorrow instead of the end of the month.  She answered in the affirmative.  May God bless her for many lifetimes!  LOL All Praise is due to Allah… I am grateful.  I am ready.

Instead of stressing the day away because my little made up vacation is ending two weeks earlier, I went grocery shopping, made dinner for the next three/four days, ironed everyones clothes and am ready to begin.  Because I am on a mission.  I have been in pursuit of the elusive Bachelors Degree since the early 1990’s.  I stopped going to school back then because I started making really, really good money.  (I was in law enforcement at the time) When I moved to Pittsburgh, I put off school because I got pregnant…finally when my oldest was about three I went back to school…had another baby and stopped going to school again.  This would be the last time I would stop going to school because of a pregnancy.

When I was pregnant with my last son, I enrolled into community college and graduated with my Associates Degree in Liberal Arts.   Five  months after he was born, I enrolled in a four year University and am glad that I did.  I take this lil’ dude erwhere with me with in reason.  He is my buddy and I believe he will graduate around the same time as me…cuz he’s been to just that many classes with me.  I made a promise to myself that I would never put off a goal I set for myself…within reason…so, yeah that means I won’t be seeing Frida’s closet next week…*sigh* Next year…well that’s another story…

Even though we share our lives with our spouses, our children, our extended families, the various communities that we are a part of…we still remain who we define ourselves to be.  I think under all the titles that are worn (mom, sister, wife, student, etc.)  we are still just us.  We are stil in need of the things that make us smile and laugh from the bottom of our hearts… at things that we only think are funny.  Sometimes we need to abandon all the self assigned constraints that are no longer applicable and just live.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that sometimes you have to just…accept your own and be yourself.  Remember who you are and what makes you you…even though it might be inappropriate at times…I have matured tremendously, but the movie Clerks still cracks me up. My best friend and I have been cool for over thirty years and she still cracks me up….even though she sends inappropriate text messages that I have to get to before my children see them…LOL

I have absolutely no idea how that works in its entirety because as much as I want to, I won’t allow myself to post “try not to suck any dicks on the way to the parking lot” on my Facebook wall…but, as soon as I figure it out completely…I’ll write a blog on it (;

My Love/Hate Relationship with Olivia Pope…

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best, black, cheating, infidelity, kerry, love, marriage, olivia pope, relationships, scandal, show, tv, washington, women

Bismillah!

I have never been so ambivalent about a television character…never. I love the way she dresses.  I love her hair. I love the fact the she is the most intelligent character on television.  I love that she is successfully self employed after having left her good gov’ment job…(afta my own heart with that one…) I love that she tries to help people. I love that she is a complicated character who is strong, yet vulnerable.  I love the standard of achievement she sets Black women…even though she’s a fictional character…she’s a Black woman doing the dayum thing!  Kerry Washington’s Olivia Pope is a breath of fresh air. Not to mention Kerry Washington as an actual person…

But just as much as I love Olivia Pope…if I knew her in real life…I would hate her.  I would be so pissed off that this successful, beautiful Black woman who has all this going for her gotta be chasing after someone else’s man.  I get it, I get it…she and the President are in love…it’s epic…blah, blah, blah.  But, truth be told, she should never have fallen in love with him….dude was married from the get go.  She is a much more attractive, better paid, much more intelligent, glamorized Monica Lewinsky.

I can not stand Bellamy Young’s character Mellie Grant…there are plenty o’ times I just wanted to slap her…and damn near cheer er time the President checks her…especially when he called her ornamental…Part of me wants to say that’s what she gets…but, then theres the part of me that says how can a marriage work with Olivia Pope’s lurking around.  Marriage is hard enough without outside influences.  Especially outside influences like Olivia Pope.

(To be fair this second picture is from I Think I Love My Wife, in which Kerry Washington plays another man stealing waynch…lol…but, she does.)

I also get pissed off with Olivia Pope because as awesome and fabulous as she is… she thirsty for this dude who is NEVER, ever, ever, ever (using my Smokey voice) gone leave his wife…NEVER…why she gotta be somebodies undercover, against the tree, in the Oval office, on the campaign trail lover…I’m just saying… The Olivia Pope character would be just as intriguing if she was all loopy for Senator Edison Davis’ character… ♥

Olivia Pope isn’t on some I’m getting with this dude girl power type stuff…her character can’t stand what she is doing…or has done at this point in the season…but, she doesn’t stop and is continuously hurt by her actions.  This aspect of her character is not empowering.  I loath this aspect of the character…it is certainly not a trait worth emulating.  How many young girls, women… find themselves in dead end relationships and are just strung along by someone who is never going to change himself or a situation that prevents them from being together.  The President cheats on her er time he’s with Millie’s lame arse. Not saying that her character won’t evolve to that…but right now…I don’t see it happening. She’s at the hospital reminiscing about flag pins and what not while Huck’s getting arrested…cuz this dude she pine-ing for was out celebrating his birthday with his wife he’s never ever ever ever gone leave…

That being said…my DVR is set for January 10th…